My life metaphor: There are days when you feel like if you died it would be okay. You cry and you scream and you wonder why. But then you get your pancakes and think, "I'm so happy that I'm eating these pancakes." And thats when you realize that you're really happy you're alive. You're happy to be enjoying these pancakes. Ánd that's when I realized, it was going to be okay. Now, I live by this statement: "You live for the pancakes."
I Don’t Care About Your Relationship Status
When I was 17-years-old my boyfriend and I broke up, of course I was sad, but I was also convinced that the end of our relationship was practical and necessary.
It was our senior year of high school and in the months leading up to our split everyone had been telling me the same thing: “you don’t want to be in a relationship when you start college.”
He was going to school in Arizona and a long distance relationship seemed preposterous. Besides, all my older friends agreed that college life and relationships simply did not mix.
A few months later, however I found myself tangled up in the life of a new boy, and before I knew it we began dating. This one lasted well over a year, and for a majority of my college experience I was “that girl with a boyfriend.” Recently, a friend of mine called me “hyper-monogamous” stating that I have a history of long-term relationships and not much else.
At first I took that as an insult. I generally consider myself an intelligent, and independent woman who subscribes to a feminist school of thought. The very implications of the word “hyper-monogamous” felt like a giant slap in the face to everything I believe in.
For a brief moment it felt like he was accusing me of undermining the very core of a feminist agenda, but why?
Committed relationships are slowly becoming a thing of the past. At the very least, the structure of traditional dating is changing.
We tend to communicate through the screen of an Iphone, and it’s not that unusual to be talking to more than one person at a time. Occasionally we’ll meet up for coffee or a hook-up, but the nostalgia of dinner and a movie seems to have gone the way of VCR’s, beepers and “smoking sections.”
Now let me be clear. I am in no way condemning hook-up culture or the idea of multiple partners. If you prefer multiple partners then that is your right, and you can do whatever you want.
A lot of women have chosen to stray from the traditional monogamous dating scene. Hannah Rosin, author of “The End of Men and the Rise of Women” describes this new norm as a third type of relationship of “intimacy without commitment” because according to her women today are much more independent and focused on their own success. They are “avoiding relationships and a path toward marriage.”
Hey, I completely get that. But does having a committed relationship make you any less driven than your peers who choose otherwise?
Some people might argue yes. Preferring commitments, whether physical, emotional or both perpetuates the idea that women must put themselves on a path toward a nuclear family. That seems a little unfair.
Sure, I have a history of long-term relationships, but my focus in life has always been my own success. I have never been the type of girl who dreams about weddings (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and believe it or not I don’t even want kids (not that there’s anything wrong with them either).
But, I like commitments. I like cooking dinner together and watching movies when it rains. For me it might be an attention span issue, I can only focus on one person at a time, but contrary to what everyone told me in high school I never once found that a college relationship has held me back.
I understand hook-up culture just fine, but I’ve never really been that good at it. Maybe I am hyper-monogamous, but monogamy should never be synonymous with archaic or anti-feminist.
Whether you choose relationships, hook-ups or something else nobody should ever make you explain yourself.
At the end of the day your relationship status belongs to you and you alone, and making those decisions independent of outside pressure is what true, modern day feminism really is.
I’m simply not a dater. They are like job interviews and I don’t want to be romantically employed.
We can do it! We all can achieve our goals no matter what they are. Believe in yourself and work hard!